Out of mind, out of soul

Despite Christianity being in the forefront of our family values, my grandparents prioritised ensuring my ancestral credence is just as strong.

The year is 2009. I’m rocking bob braids, looking my best at a girl-scout camp. Having gone six months without seeing me; my friend Londi* fails to contain her excitement and jumps onto me from the back, giving my shoulders a tight squeeze. She probably expected me to turn around and embrace her like I generally would. Sadly, we both got the shock of our lives as what was just a friendly gesture became an ER situation.

Run for your life

As her hands rested on my shoulders I burst into tears and started racing across the playground. To this day describing that feeling is a struggle. It was as if someone threw a match at me after I had taken a petrol shower. The faster I ran, the stronger the flames became.

Up the stairs, past the tuck-shop and another flight of stairs – I finally reached the bathroom. Hysterically pulling my hair out while trying to make sense of the thousand voices all shouting at once I entered the shower. Liberation. As the first drop of the ice-cold water touched my skin I could hear the flames dying down.

From that day onwards I experienced what seemed like epileptic seizures but wasn’t really it. Scan after scan, wheeling in and out of hospital yet no cure for my unknown illness which was later flagged as depression.

Bloom

It had been going on for a while when my paternal grandfather felt it was time to have a chat with the ancestors hoping that maybe they’d have some sort of cure for the episodes.

On most occasions I’d be in class laughing and a split second later I’d be on the floor, not able to talk, walk or even lift a finger. I could say I was ‘semi-dead’ because the only thing I could do was stare and listen to conversations I couldn’t respond to.

After the chat with the ancestors my health and life in general actually started improving.

Even though I had lost interest in academics I still managed to not just scrape through but get fairly decent results. Before graduating at 20, I managed to bag a fancy job at one of the country’s leading radio stations. Everything was just amazing.

Whenever I went for interviews or something like that, I’d know the job was mine before I even went. In my sleep I’d be assured that all my wishes would be granted. On most occasions the message is delivered by my paternal great grandmother uMaMkhize.

Obviously living on this planet with a thousand and one problems a day, my faith was tested. I kind of forgot to give gratitude to my guides who had been consistently blessing me. The fact that I was doing well contributed to this. My prayers/conversations with my guides were always casual chats with me asking for something which I always ‘forgot’ to thank them for once received.

Blessings can be curses

Unlike Christianity where we hardly acknowledge that the higher power can be responsible for bad things, Ancestors will – and I mean they will take everything away from you just to remind you no matter how invincible you feel… they’re still your guides and they have needs.

It’s now 2018. Nine years since I had a formal conversation with my ancestors and acknowledging their presence. I’ve just been blessed with a car, the second job in my professional career and a cloud of other side hustle blessings elevating me to greater heights.

In a blink of an eye, normalcy was no more. The flood gates were opened by an accident which saw the car written off. From there it was downhill, 6 accidents followed (3 in the first 2 days of 2019).

Consistently praying and hoping for miracles with no response I was forced to stop dragging my feet and pay Gobela a visit.

Driving there I was certain I had been bewitched. I had already started shortlisting jealous neighbors capable of reaching this level of witchcraft.

Before my bum even reached the ground the lady shouted, “Where do you think you get all the things you have? Why are you ungrateful?”

Not allowing me to respond, she explained the importance of merely thanking your guides for being present and protecting you.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6-7

Quoting the verse above she highlighted that just like in Christianity, gratitude is a vehicle that must be constantly serviced.

I then asked myself, “why do I feel like loudly acknowledging my ancestors and their presence in my life is wrong and abnormal?”

The same way I pray to them asking for something is the same way I need to show them I’m grateful and that I can see their consistent effort to show a girl they’ve got her.

After cleansing my soul and having regular conversations with my late peeps I started seeing the difference. Even my bank account started looking pretty.

Sometimes you may think things are not going good for you because you’re cursed or ‘it’s just not your time.’ Just take a step back – whether you’re guided by ancestors or an angel, and ask yourself what have you recently done to acknowledge and appreciate them for being with you.

Thanking your ancestors doesn’t always require slaughtering, going down on your knees and chatting to them may be all you need to do.